the burning

Elaine: Here’s one. I borrowed Puddy’s car and all the presets on his radio were Christian Rock stations.

George: I like Christian Rock. It’s very positive. It’s not like those real musicians who think they’re so cool and hip.

Elaine: So, you think that Puddy actually believes in something?

Jerry: I mean, it’s a used car. He probably never changed the presets.

Elaine: Yes! He is lazy.

Jerry: Plus, he probably doesn’t even know how to program the buttons.

Elaine: Yes! He is dumb.

Jerry: So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?

Elaine: Dumb and lazy I understand.

the secretary

Jerry: You got no waist in that thing.

George: You arms look like something hanging in a kosher deli.

Elaine: I said, All Right.

George: Well what’d you buy it for?

Elaine: Why did I buy it, because in the mirror, at Barney’s, I looked fabulous. This woman was just walking by said I looked like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal.

Jerry: How fast was she walking?

the hot tub

I’m exhausted. I’ve been on this street a thousand times. It’s never looked so strange. The faces…so cold. In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless. A bastard child, perhaps. My back aches. My heart aches. But my feet…my feet are resilient. Thank god I took off my heels and put on my…Himalayan walking shoes!